


Why Don't You Cry

by peachykory



Category: Degrassi
Genre: Misuse of prescription pills
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-19
Updated: 2016-09-19
Packaged: 2018-08-16 01:41:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8081707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachykory/pseuds/peachykory
Summary: Maya doesn't know how to deal with the aftermath of the crash. Wanting to be the strong one for her friends, she forgets how to be strong for herself.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This story just flowed out of me so naturally. I haven't had that happen in a long time so I'm very proud of this. Also it's satisfying that this is exactly 2,500 words.

Maya stepped away from the stage once the performance was over. They were playing more and more that year at different bars - with the approval of her mother, of course - and were even approached by a music producer that wanted to record with them. This was everything she could ever dream of. All of her dreams of her future were coming true. 

She went to the back of the stage where the green room was to take a break. They played four songs in their set and after a short break they were going back for two more. With everything that happened over the past year with Zig and the bus crash - she was cranking out songs left and right and there was so much passion in them.

Maya had changed after the crash. She hadn’t cried over the incident. She didn’t cry over the scar that is on her hairline from cracking it open on the window that Zig said was beautiful. She just couldn’t. Crying would make it real. It couldn’t be real. She wouldn’t let it.

She laid down on the couch in the room and tried not to close her eyes. When she closed them all she saw was flashing lights and her head would start spinning. It gave her migraines that lasted for hours; sometimes all day. She threw her arm over her eyes wanting to close them and sleep for a few minutes.

The noises from the bar was vibrating the walls. She leaned over to reach for her bag and pulled out her pain killers. She was only supposed to take them if she really needed. It wasn’t necessary since she took one before the show, but she wanted the comfort. Maya wasn’t becoming addicted. She wouldn’t let herself get that far.

After swallowing down a pill, she sank into the couch. This was what she needed right now. This was keeping her from crying. That, along with sleeping. Sleeping helped her not think about it. Being with her friends helped.

When she wrote her songs, those days were always the worse. That was why it usually took her weeks to write. Most of her songs were abandoned and still waiting to be finished. If she could remember correctly - there were five. All sitting in her song book waiting. Maya didn’t know if she’d ever go back to them.

There was a light knock on the door. Maya’s eye’s shot open. She sat up and called for the person to come in. She didn’t expect Zig to walk in when he did. She saw him there in the crowd like he always was, but he never bothered her backstage. “Hey.”

“Hey. Mind if I come in?” He stood in the doorway not coming in any closer until Maya nodded her head. He was more careful with her these days. The crash affected them both in ways no one could understand as individuals and together. He sat on the arm of the couch. “How are you?”

“I’m good.” She nodded. It wasn’t entirely a lie. She hadn’t been okay, but she was getting better. Just like everyone else affected by the crash, she was taking her time with that. It was a work in progress. “How have you been?” She asked, wanting to take the subject off herself. 

“I’m fine. It’s nice being back home with my mom and brother. It just sucks that it took this for her to let me come back…” Zig’s mom was always a sensitive topic that they usually avoided. It wasn’t something Maya brought up anymore without him bringing it up first. After the crash she had let him come back home. Zig took it as guilt, but Maya really wanted to believe that she did miss him and wanted him home for good.

“I know this might sound harsh, but maybe this was the final push to make her realize that you deserve to be home. Yeah, it took the crash to realize that and maybe it was a blessing in disguise for you. You’re safe and with your family now. Isn’t that all that matters?” She took his hand in hers and held it tight. “Please don’t hate this. I want you to be happy and I think this is what will make you happy, Zig.”

He didn’t answer. He only looked at her with solemn eyes. “I get what you’re saying, but I don’t know. After everything that happened, why now? I could have died last year with the gang stuff and she did nothing to get me away. She didn’t care.”

Maya was disappointed to hear this from him. “I know what you’re saying. You know that I believe that everything happens for a reason. Maybe last year wasn’t your time to be with them, but now is. This is good, Zig. Please don’t let the past affect what you have now.”

“Look, I have to get back out there. We have another set to do. I’ll come find you later and we’ll talk more, okay?” She released their hands and walked out of the room, not looking back at him. She didn’t think Zig realized that this was a chance to start over. Not just with themselves or as a couple, but with their friends and families as well.

After the show, Maya looked around for Zig wanting to invite him out to dinner to talk. He was nowhere to be seen. She was upset by this. All she wanted was for Zig to be happy for once. Once all was forgiven between the two and the air was clear, Maya thought things could go back to normal for once. But it wasn’t. It couldn’t be. Nothing could ever be the same again.

She looked inside her bag once in her car and reached for the bottle of pills. It was tempting. She wanted to taste them again. To not feel the aching in her chest that she got when off of them. Maya shook her head and threw them into the floor of the passenger seat. She didn’t want to end up like Katie had and she certainly didn’t want to get as far into it as Miles. She saw what it did to them. That wasn’t something she wanted.

When she finally pulled out of the parking lot to leave, she took the long way home. Maya drove past her old therapy place where she would talk about Cam for hours and how that tragedy took away a part of her that she missed. When she was finally able to get that back, it was taken away again.

Her mother suggested that she start going back to deal with this. She had convinced her that she was fine with it all and didn’t need help. She was in the support group that Mr. Simpson started for the kids on the bus and that was good enough for her. They met once a week to talk about how they were doing and other stuff going on. There weren’t many left in the group, just her, Zig, Tiny, and other’s. Tristan would show on occasion, but never spoke.

It was getting to the point that not even Maya wanted to be there anymore. The snacks were what was keeping her from leaving for good. Ms. Grell made the best brownies for them and Maya wasn’t giving them up for as long as they came. She knew it was wrong, but at least she didn’t admit it out loud like Tiny had. It was nice to have support in the beginning - but after everyone looking at you in pity all the time, she couldn’t help but be reminded of the past and that got old fast.

All of the lights were off when she finally got home. Her parents had to be up early the next morning so it was understandable. She didn’t expect them to stay up for her, but still text her mom that she was on her way before she left.

Maya looked back down at the bottle on the floor. She could almost hear it calling her name. She picked it up and put it in her bag, getting out then going inside to her room. It was still a mess from her cleaning out her closet the day before with the help of Grace. They laughed together at all the pink that she wore her freshman and sophomore year. It was fun being around her best friend again without all the drama. Once Zig had rejected her, she swore to never hurt Maya like that again. It was still hard for Maya to fully trust her, but she was getting there.

She laid down on the bed after changing into her pajamas. After playing on her phone for an hour and still not being able to sleep, Maya reached for her bag and took out the bottle.  _ “What could one more hurt?”  _ She asked herself before swallowing down another.

*

School dragged on for what felt like hours. Maya had decided to skip the group meeting that day and just go home. She’d been dragging her feet all day even with a full night's rest. It almost felt like her body was shutting down on her. She sat on a bench when outside to take a minute. It was starting to get cold out and she was looking forward to winter clothes shopping with her mom and Katie.

The breeze made her shiver. She rubbed her arms, feeling the goosebumps prickling up all over. She grabbed her jacket and put it on. Something inside of it shook, making a noise. She pulled it out and examined it. The pills. Maya had forgotten she put them in there at lunch in a rush when Goldi walked in to check on her.

They were almost all gone from her taking them so much the past couple days. She didn’t even realize that she was running out so quickly. It gripped them tight in her hands and squeezed her eyes shut. She wasn’t sure what she was hoping would happen. Maybe they would magically fill back up or just disappear all together. When she opened her eyes, there was no change.

Maya sighed and opened the bottle, pouring them out in her hand. Four. There were only four left and Friday night there were ten. She told herself she wasn’t going to get addicted and this was starting to feel like an addiction.

She didn’t let herself cry over it. Instead, she dropped the pills on the ground and crushed them with her foot. It was hard to do. She’d become dependent on those and now they were gone. She didn’t even have another refill left.

Maya blinked her eyes quickly, trying to not let the tears escape. It didn’t work. She put her head in her hands and sobbed. She sobbed harder than she ever had before - letting all the emotions over the moths come out that she was keeping in.

She tried being the strong ones of her friends. The one to show them that they had nothing to be afraid of and that they could move on together. But that wasn’t true. She didn’t want to admit it, but she was hurting just as much.

It felt good to cry. This was what she needed all along. Not those pills. They were just something to cover up the pain until it came back just to start all over again. It was an endless cycle that wouldn’t stop. It wouldn’t help her in any way.

Once the tears were all dried out, she wiped her face clean with the sleeve of her jacket. After taking a few deep breaths and collecting herself, she went back inside to the auditorium. The meeting hadn’t started yet and thankfully Zig was there. They’d been avoiding each other since their talk on Friday and she wanted to make things right. She didn’t want anymore bad blood even if were for a minor thing.

“Hey, Zig.” She tapped him on the shoulder when she reached the snack table that he and Tiny were at. “Can we talk?” When he nodded, they walked over to the stage and sat.

“What’s up?” He asked. His voice was gently, almost like he didn’t know how to talk her. “Is everything okay?”

Okay was an understatement. “I’m fine. I mean, I’m not fine. Look, I’m sorry about friday. I’m just… I’m tired, Zig. I’m so tired of pretending that everything is okay when it’s not. I want to be strong for you and everyone else here, but I just can’t do it anymore.” Her voice cracked as she spoke. The tears were welling up in her eyes again. “I just want things to go back to normal. I don’t want to be in pain anymore.”

“Maya, no asked you to be the strong one.” Zig wrapped his arm around her shoulder and held her. “It’s okay for you to cry. It’s okay for you to curse at the world for what happened. No one is expecting any less, trust me. We all want to be strong for one another and pretend like nothing happened, but we can’t. It’s not possible.”

Everything Zig was saying was true. She knew that already. It was just hard to admit. “I was taking my migraine pills more than I needed. I didn’t want to become dependent on them, so I crushed the rest. I think I need help. I want help.”

Zig was in shock. He never thought Maya would do something like that. “I… Maya, why didn’t you say it was this bad before? We could have done something about this sooner.”

“I know that. I wanted to say something, but couldn’t. I didn’t start taking the pills a lot until a few days ago. It isn’t as bad as it could have been.”

“Not that bad? Maya, it _ is _ bad. Even if it didn’t get that far, it could have. What if you took too much and overdosed?” The concern in his voice was calming to her. It showed he still cared even if he never stopped.

“But I didn’t. Right now I have to try to move on from that. And figure out a way to tell my mom…” She didn’t think about that before. He mother would be upset, of course, but understanding. That’s what she loved about her the most. No matter what she was always there for her.

Zig stood and took her hands. “Don’t worry about that right now, okay? We can figure it out later.”

“Zig, Maya?” Ms. Grell called over to them. “We’re starting now.”

They gave each other a look that said they’d talk more later and walked over to the circle of chairs. She sat in between Zig and Tristan, holding Zig’s hand and taking Tristan’s. This was what she wanted - what she needed. Things felt like they were finally coming into place.  


End file.
